Honoring Her

Publishing 26-year-old Amanda's first draft, as an homage to the girl who worked her butt off to follow her dreams.

I had this little table shaped like a guitar pic. It was black and plastic, and wobbled pretty much a week into buying and assembling it. It barely fit over my crossed knees on my little black couch, and I distinctly remembering it constantly being slopped with drool bubbles as Cozy waited for me to give her my French fries or a bite of my fried chicken sandwich.

My five thousand pound laptop would teeter upon it, dented from that time I dropped it onto ceramic tiles in the Liberal Arts building cafe instead of slotting it neatly into my backpack. God, no wonder my back aged the way it did.

I’d fill my favorite mug with Earl Grey tea and pull my leather bound notebook into my lap, and I’d write and write and write. If Stranger Things 2 wasn’t on in the background, the soundtrack was. Olivia Newton-John’s Twist of Fate scored my 26th year.

I can remember it so vividly, that feeling of ambition and of hope, like this big wide world out in front of me. I had this flashlight beam surging from my chest, leading me through the fog, but I followed because I knew where I was headed and that I’d get there someday.

I can’t quite remember now how I got the idea for Going Coastal. I think a writer’s prompt on Tumblr may have sparked it.

It started as fanfiction. People were speculating Steve Harrington’s career path moving into season 3, and it was unanimous among the fandom that our favorite babysitter would look fantastic in a uniform. (I feel this needs the clarification that this was written pre-ACAB. Though, the sentiment stands.)

Soon, I grew too attached to the characters as their own entities and I spun it into the first full novel I’ve ever written.

Maura and Jack were my first babies, my first foray into mystery/thriller. They’re the start of it all.

26-year-old Amanda was freshly a wife, freshly a dog mom, freshly unemployed. Everything felt up in the air, and yet, she was so stubborn, so strong in her convictions. She knew what she wanted, and she was going for it.

I admire her so much.

I want to honor her.

After finishing this novel, stepping into the editing process, I think perfectionism caused me to abandon myself, to distrust myself. It weaseled its way into the driver’s seat and said, “don’t worry, I’ve got this”, slapping a high-five to fear in the passenger’s seat.

I tore my writing down so much. I wrote and rewrote. I think I have 8 or 9 drafts of this now, all more complicated and purple prosey than the last.

Rereading this now, there are certainly some changes I’d make, some mistakes I’d fix, but that isn’t what this is about.

I’m posting my zero draft, as it is, warts and all, to prove to little Amanda that she did an incredible thing, and I’m so proud of her for it. She was so brave to write it. She was brave for having fun. She was brave for playing and for trying.

This is really vulnerable, and I’m nervous about posting it, but my best friend was right when she said “Being vulnerable is the job, we have to push our babies out of the nest eventually or tons of baby Amandas and Taylors in book stores and theaters searching for worlds to fall into and friends are never gonna meet our characters and wanna do it too.” Which you know, was rude of her.

So here’s my baby. Take care of her like I would.

And hey, thanks, as always, for reading xo

-Amanda

Here’s me at 26, a year after I got Cozy, and just a couple of days before I finished the first chapter of Going Coastal. I lived in that Green Bay Packers hoodie. I haven’t changed much. My hair’s shorter now. Cozy’s face is more white.

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I’ll be posting chapters of Going Coastal on this newsletter weekly. Please subscribe and share with your friends and family. I’d really appreciate it!

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A big city reporter makes her way to Grey Bluff, a small coastal town infamous for it’s massacre ten years prior. What she doesn’t anticipate is the town’s hatred for reporters, the handsome and smug sheriff’s Deputy, and the string of murders that happen the moment she rolls into town.

Pairing: Maura Walsh, a big city reporter x Deputy Jack Sterling, a Steve Harrington-coded small town sheriff’s deputy with a bad attitude

Word count: 66, 969 words

Warnings: Murder, gore, slowburn, inconvenience to lovers, angst, violence, weapons, small town antics, murder mystery, thriller, *unedited first draft from 2018